How Bambis mom really died
by FairyPirate
Summary: Bambi’s mom died, shot by a human. He grows up and falls in love with that one chick, I mean doe, and bla bla bla. The thing is, thats all BS! Bambis mom was killed by a hunter, but he wasn’t human. It was Edward! Here is the tragic story...and others.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Collection of random Drabbles and stories that popped into my head at random times and will therefor be random and out of character.**

**Bambi's mom is dead, shot by a human. He grows up and falls in love with that one chick, I mean doe, and bla bla bla. The thing is, that is all a bunch of lies! Bambis mom was killed by a hunter, but he wasn't human. It was Edward! Here is the tragic story… and others.**

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The deer fled rapidly through the forest. Edwards thirst was begging to overpower his mind. The human was getting nearer the scent growing stronger; it had to be either a ranger or a hiker, probably not more than a mile away. He had to catch that deer before the human got to close. There was no way that the doe could outrun him, but Edward was terribly afraid of his instincts taking over and giving up pursuit for a more rewarding prize. He just had to get that damned deer.

She jumped over a fallen log, and stumbled slightly to get better footing. Edward pounced.

Bambi fled as fast as he could. A sound not unlike thunder sounded off behind him, but he kept going, through thickets that scratched him, across streams that chilled him, over sharp rocks that hurt his little hooves, under branches that whipped him, until he reached the burrow under the bushes. "We made it mom!" He said happily, but his mother did not answer.

The adrenaline began to go away and was replaced by a growing fear. Similarly the familiar woods seemed to go from extolling the joy of life to quickly losing its peace till it became as dark and forbidding as the most obscure unknown horror.

The crickets did not tune up their twilight orchestra, like all of its other members in the forest, they mourned. Not a single breeze stirred up the rustling of the leaves in the trees, not a single hum from the honey bees, not a sound from flapping butterflies as their wings flittered came, nor chirps from the birds as they twittered that earned them fame.

"Mama," he asked into the silent woods.

The world was quiet.


	2. Chapter 2: Bored

AN: Good morning everybody! I think that random burst of random creativity are best for this type of thing so here it is.

Also, I tried putting astericks around all the italic stuff but it didn't work so, yeah.

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_It was another one of those days for which the Olympic Peninsula was famous for…_

_Edward lays upon the couch, hands behind head, feet propped up on the opposite edge watching a random sitcom on TV, while Bella watches him. His face is fascinating, true, but when it looks_ that_ bored then the effect wears off on one as well._

Bella:_sighs in a sad sort of way_

Edward: _uses not really caring and only slightly interested voice._ Is something wrong?

Bella: _from behind kitchen counter_ I'm gonna die.

Edward: _rolls his eyes, then simply to pass the time, stretches, gets up, bends down to tie his shoe, scratches his but, runs his hands through hair to make it look cool, scratches his nose, stretches some more, then walks over to Bella, stands behind her, puts his arms around her waist, then _Finally_ says in an exasperated voice_

We've had this conversation a thousand times, as soon as you're ready and have at least one semester of college party life in you-

Bella: And married you, and finished college, and climbed Mount Everest, and turned thirty and then _die_…"

Edward: _worried_ Bella…

Bella: _annoyed_ I had originally meant that I was going to die of boredom but if you want to have 'the talk' again and waste another unspecific amount of time of my precious mortal life, then go ahead, it's not like we have anything better to do."

Edward: Oh._ goes back to watching TV on the couch_

_Bella can't help but let her eyes notice his gorgeous bod._

Bella: _in seductive voice._ You know, Charlie's not home.

Edward: _except for later pushing air out of his mouth and forming words with his lips, he_ _rolls his eyes again without doing anything else this time because he doesn't need to breathe_ I know we don't have anything to do, but living in sin is on the _not_ to do list

Bella: Well you're not really _alive_ so how would you be_ living_ in sin?

Edward: _slightly insulted_ Bitch, I've been live n kickn since 1901!

Bella: _watches Edward perform Karate kicks with a distasteful look on her face_ Edward, if you're heart isn't beating, then you're not alive. Ur dads a doctor you should know that.

Edward: Oh yeah, if I wasn't alive then how would I be able to this… _begins to do the cabbage patch_

Bella:I'm sure Casper can do that too.

Edward: _thinks of even randomer crap_ Can Casper do this?

Bella:_ Watches Edward do Soldier Boy Dance_ Probably, if he set his mind to it.

Edward: No, he wouldn't. They invented the steps after he died.

Bella: I don't think they ever specify exactly when he dies, but he could always you tube the steps.

Edward: No, he couldn't. He doesn't have tangible fingers to use for typing.

Bella: They invented the cabbage patch after you died and you learned. Shouldn't he be able to learn a new way to boogie?

Edward: No, he shouldn't. Supernatural things dancing just isn't right.

Bella: _doesn't bother to point out the irony of the situation_

Edward: _adds an after thought _And I'm _NOT dead._

Bella: Edward! Here are some basic things you need to be alive. You have to be able to exchange gases (I think, correct me if I'm wrong, you're the know it all) and you don't need to breathe. You have to get nutrients in you in some way, and you don't eat, well you drink blood so I guess that's where you get energy, you have to maintain homeostasis, which I guess you kind of do as well… but you can't reproduce!

Edward: And how would you know that?

Bella: Well you're not _exactly letting me try so find_ _out _so I don't really know…yet.

Edward: No, I meant, how you know that those are the characteristics of life? I thought you were obsessed with romance novels, not textbooks.

Bella: Oh. _awkward silence _I don't really want to get pregnant. _more silence_

Edward: _despite all his supposed fast thinking ways, he still expresses mock horror at something that happened a while ago_ You haven't been seeing Mr. Banner's son on the side have you? How else would you know all that?

Bella: _Doesn't like being possibly referred to as a cheating tramp and is now outraged_ BIOLOGY, THE STUDY OF LIFE! WHERE I WOULD HAVE OUTSHONE YOU, HAD YOU BEEN _ALIVE_! WE FREKIN MET IN STUPID BIOLOGY! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT?! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME!! THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS STUPID CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT HOW I WANTED TO GIVE YOU MY HEART, MIND, CLUMSINESS, SOUL _AND_ BODY?

Edward: Jezze if you're really that bored why we don't just go rent a movie.

Bella: _is totally calmed down now because she's EMO so she's prone to mood swings_ Fine. I'll just go and get my rain coat. _Trips_

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Please keep in mind that this chapter was started at almost 3 IN THE MORNING and finished at 3:35. Therefore, I, the author, will be very _touchy_ and_ grouchy_ when mom wakes me up at noon. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated but flamers are strongly discouraged. If I log on and see them…well I'll think of something but please don't tempt me.

P.S. Did anyone else see that they turned Mr. Banner into a Mr. Molina? What's up with that?


	3. Chapter 3: At block buster

Next chapter

Next chapter

_At block buster ten minutes later…_

Bella: wanders over to family section

Edward: walks behind her

Bella: How about Bambi?

Edward: Uh, sure…


	4. Chapter 4:Forks High Track

**AN:Yay new chapter!! Better review!!**

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_Bella has decided to work out by running laps, Edward joins her for a while but gets bored of passing her every few seconds so he goes to sit down on the grassy field._

Edward: Hi

Rock: _Does nothing_

Edward: _picks up rock_

Rock:………………..

Edward: Lets be friends.

Rock:…………………

Edward: Fabulous! Whats your favorite color?

Rock:…………………

Edward: That's cool. Mines red.

The weather: _is being weird and unmercifully hot_

Bella: _Runs up panting from running laps_

Edward: I shall name him squishy and he shall be mine…

Bella: Are you positive that you can't get heat stroke?

Edward: Bella meet my new friend!

Bella: I don't see anyone.

Edward: Look he's right here.

Bella: That rock is your friend?

Edward: Uh huh. His name is Squishy Rocky and we are Besssssst friends!

Bella: I thought I was your best friend.

Edward: No, silly you're my girlfriend!

Bella: Ok, could you hand me my water bottle please.

Edward: Mr. Rocky says he's thirsty.

Bella: Please hand me Mrs. Water Bottle.

Edward: _Turns to Bella, suddenly completely serious._ Every one gets thirsty.

Bella: _Sees what Edward is going to do, eyes widen in horror._

Edward: _With a sad tone in voice_ I'm really sorry Bella

Bella: Edward don't do this

Edward: You should never have known about Bambi. _Edges closer._ This is the only way.

Bella: I thought you loved me

Edward: _His strong fingers grasp her neck, but he knows he won't need to exert much force._

Bella: Please

Edward: _Snaps her neck with a quick twist. Just a little bit too hard though._ _The liquid spills out, he gives some to rocky then taste some for himself._ Not bad


	5. Chapter 5: Will probably b merged into 4

Bellas body crumples dramatically to the ground.

Edward: Is Squishy still thirsty?

Bella: Lies on ground.

Edward: Here you go. Squishy doesn't anymore

Bella:...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

_You wasted HALF of a water bottle ON A ROCK?!_

Edward: He was about to die of dehydration.

Bella: _I_ am about to die of dehydration! Now give me stupid Mrs. Water Bottle

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH**

**Yall might have thought I killed off Bella.but i didnt.**


	6. Funny story

Wanna hear a funny story?

Stephen King said awhile back that the difference between Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling is that J.K. Rowling can actually write.

Can you believe that?


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